Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
