no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
