2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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