And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
