3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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