he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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