my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
