yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
we're so committed to being not committed
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
