My sheets look like a crime scene.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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