her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
