dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
