Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Four minutes until I can fart!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
