There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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