i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
