Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
