I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
