No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
