i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
