Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
