If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
