and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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