porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
