:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
