She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
