btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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