What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Randomize
