My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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