what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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