God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
