Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
