Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
