3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
