We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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