can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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