He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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