Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
