sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
