My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
