you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
