dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
