I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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