apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I need a burrito and a hug.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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