Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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