Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
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