I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
