the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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