I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
