Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
