I wish I could punch you in the face.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
