Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
