you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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