I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i will never coherently bang her
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
